spreading her wings

my baby girl, who was at one point glued to me like another limb, graduated from preschool two weeks ago. she had a speaking part, which made me beam of course. i used to worry, standing outside her classroom door, calling her teacher asking how kali was doing once i was home. hmmm...maybe mama had some separation anxiety as well? :) once she learned that preschool was a magical place, where her creativity was treasured, her jokes earned eager giggles, her small hands dipped in paint transformed into butterfly wings when pressed on paper...well, she fell in love. she has done so well, i can't believe those days are over for her, and for me. i'm left clinging to those memories, smiling and holding back tears as i turn the pages of the book we received from her teacher, filled with her artwork and documents of her progress.

how cute is she in that giraffe costume?!

her wonderful homeroom teacher

her stay-and-play teacher, who gets to do all the fun stuff!

congratulations beautiful girl! what a bittersweet time it is. i know you will only continue to grow and blossom and surprise and bless us daily with just being you.

dreaming

i've been so stressed lately...from trying to sell our house, wondering about our options for our next house are, potty training, planning Kali's party, potty training a puppy (still!), Josh getting into an accident this morning with the younger two kids in the truck (thank God we drive an F-250), the insurance guy saying that the truck is probably totalled, the kids' school year coming to an end, and the list goes on and on. when my mind hits overload, i retreat. i literally spent almost all day in my comfy bed, napping or on the computer. filling my head with happy thoughts. right now i'm dreaming about our next house, whatever it may be. i have a slight obsession with Jane Coslick who designs beach cottages in Tybee Island, Georgia. i would love, love, love to have a house like these:

hopefully tomorrow will be a better day, and i can rest away my worries tonight. not typical Lindsey behavior, i have a problem getting over things or pushing them to the back of my mind. usually they swim around and around until i have a somewhat minor explosion, and get it all out. but tomorrow i am determined to get out of this house, pack up my munchkins, get an iced coffee and get my babies and me some new summer shoes. maybe i'll even order a bathing suit i've been eyeing online for a few weeks.

the house next door to us finally sold, and he introduced himself today, saying his cousin would like to see our house and they could just knock the fence down between the two yards and have one big happy family. sounds wonderful to me! soooo after my carefree adventures tomorrow, it's back to the grind! gotta get this house ready for her close up!

the heart of the matter

as i posted before, we are moving to corpus christi. right now we live in a 2800 square foot, two story house. it has 4 huge bedrooms, a dining room/office, nice living spaces, and huge fenced in yard at the end of a cul da sac. sounds like the "american dream", right? but instead of enjoying this house, lately we find ourselves itching to downsize. in a big house, you pay big bills. we have goals for the near future, and they don't involve a brand new car, expensive trips, or high-priced name brand clothes. they involve changing lives...those of our children, ourselves, and taking yet another leap of faith on a dream we both have that i will write about in the future when things are more certain. we will be cutting the size of our house by at least half when we move. the house we went to corpus to see this past weekend is a mere 1100 sq. foot, 2 bedroom which we would add onto shortly after we moved in, should we end up buying it. we would be trading air conditioning for window units, a curbed street lined with cookie cutter houses for a county road, and a barely used back yard for a river. we've received mixed reviews about this, but just because it isn't the right move for some people, it is for us. it far more matters to us to become debt free, and be able to invest time and money furthering God's kingdom rather than furthering the world's view of us. success should not be measured by what you own, what kind of car you drive, what you do for a living. instead, we should look at people's heart and character, the way that God does. I believe you can live beautifully no matter the size or location of your home. never having been the type of person to want to fit in or be like everyone else, i look forward to making our new small house a cozy, loving space for our family. after all, this earth is our temporary home. i would dread the thought of standing in front of my Creator saying "i lived comfortably, never stepping out in faith. i didn't make a difference for your kingdom, but i sure had a huge house, new cars, jewelry, and caddy friends". we've seen people who at one time had the false security that their money gave them, only to have it stripped from their hands. place your value and faith in God, not the things of this world. no amount of money or possessions can make your life more worthwhile, nor bring true joy to your heart.

catching my breath

just call me whirlwind. wednesday chandler got his first game ball, after hours of me, his daddy and grandpa practicing all weekend for his game. he only had two more in the technical season to play his heart out and receive the honor of a dingy baseball signed and dated by his coach. i was so proud when his name was called, and everyone on his team and the other parents were cheering for chandler, my boy.

it finally stormed thursday, for the first time since, well, a long time. months. our lights went out, and after running spastically through the downpour and speeding through trent's 5-harness carseat baby trap, i glanced at him on the way to get his sister from school, hearing his giggles, and watching his chubby fingers grabbing at the droplets gathering on his window. today it was gorgeous and sunny, just how i like it, although i enjoy storms too. i never get the chance to read anymore, and yesterday i decided i would relax and enjoy the thunder and the ghostly howling of wind outside my dark living room, poring through a book that josh bought me months ago, geez maybe even a year ago. it's finished, all 490 pages. my eyes were on strike when i crawled into bed after midnight. i made the kids cinnamon rolls, which along with their scrumptious smell, just make everything seem more cozy. 

sometime between preschool and kindergarten i realized my boy is growing up. i know he's still a little kid, but it's different. no one tells you after being in the throws of toddler rearing how much it changes and how much your relationship changes, not for the worse of course, but it is an adjustment. i had to pull away from my intense need to hug him and hold him frequently, and let him be a boy, and let me tell you, he is all boy. now with the end of his first grade year rounding the corner i noticed how much of a disconnect we've had. how much time and energy school, homework, making dinner, and baseball games take from us. when he was in preschool, once a month i would pick him up on a friday and take him to get frozen yogurt. he wouldn't choose vanilla or chocolate, or even a creamy swirled version of the two, instead his favorite was rainbow. vibrant blue with splashes of lime green, pink and yellow. we would order one big cup and share it on the shop's patio, just he and i. when we were done we would yell "blue tongues!" and see who's was more blue. i ache for those days, when we would take naps in my fluffy bed, his little arms wrapped around my neck, his tiny voice reassuring me "I'll always be your pumpkin!", and then his steady breathing putting me to sleep, until we'd wake and have a snack, watch the wiggles and play until josh got home. so to make a change and fill my void i took chandler to get ice cream today, just like we used to. only the original shop we were familiar with was closed, so there was a different flavor variety for him to examine, sample, and eventually decide on...rock n roll pop.

 he wanted his own, in a cone, and instead of talking about his finger painting he did in school, our conversation was filled with his friends, how he did on his spelling quiz, and baseball. a lot has changed but our bond is the same. he loves his mama, and i hope he always remembers our ice cream dates.

once we got home, we were off to Joe's Crab Shack, one of my favorite places to dine out...i'm easy to please. i love the atmosphere--good music, sounds of conversation and laughter flowing, alone time to talk to josh while the kids expend their energy on the playground.

trent was shaking what his mama gave him to every song, then would yell at the speakers when the music stopped.

he hates having his picture taken, especially when his wife doesn't tell him she's doing it.

aaannddd...here's a glimpse of the dress i made for kali to wear at her tea party:



josh and i leave tomorrow morning after a 9:30 a.m. baseball practice, to see a couple of houses in corpus christi. we've been praying like crazy that something will begin to happen in the housing situation, and suddenly things are looking brighter.

Dog Days

We've had gorgeous weather here this week, minus rain....we're all praying for it! It was nice and hot yesterday so I told the kids to get their bathing suits on, and I tried to hook up the sprinkler for them, to find out it's broken. So...I had to improvise, filling our dollar store sand buckets to the brim with hose water, gathering water guns and sidewalk chalk to entertain them.

 "Mom, take a picture of me being like a soldier!"

looking at these pictures, Chandler looks so old to me...long gone are his baby cheeks, and now he is over half my size. i feel like it's passing so fast and i can't do anything to slow it down. so i just want to soak up everything about them...like tiny hands playing in a bucket of water....

or wispy hair and lashes sweeping chubby baby cheeks...

my kids are so bonded, it makes my heart swell. i didn't have that growing up with my brother, although we are close now. i love that they are always there for eachother, for holding hands, giving hugs, drying tears, or just helping get something accomplished:

those two are like twins, hardly ever apart. even though they have their own bedrooms, they always sleep together. he teaches her things he learns in school, and she makes him laugh. of course they fight, but the good greatly outweighs the bad. they both adore Trent, to the point that i often have to tell them that i'm his mommy, not them...it makes me smile when Kali says "there's my baby!" 

 having fun with her shadow ♥

watchful big brother



After the fun, they dried off and headed inside for baths, popcorn, and movie time.

kali and i cuddled up on the couch and settled in to watch Mary Poppins. Field Day and our afternoon outside made for heavy eyelids.

Okay, so maybe he does still have hints of chubby cheeks :)

I've been having so much fun creating things for kali's party...it's been like therapy for me lately. i will post about that tomorrow.

We're moving!

Lately Josh has been working quite a bit in Corpus Christi, and things have been going pretty well with the jobs he's had there. So, since we (well, I) have always wanted to live close to the beach, and Galveston was out of the question, it seemed like a good fit. He's introduced me to a couple that he works with there, and this past weekend we drove the kids out for a second time and stayed the weekend with them. We had a blast!

the newest addition to our family...Oliver! He's 6 months old :) We've had him since February.

They live on a river, so there is tons for the kids to do...they passed out before we left their driveway to come home! Good times.

And of course since our house is on the market, we're training a puppy, and started potty training a child, I had to add a little more to my plate and plan a party for Kali. Since kids can't exactly stay in touch with their friends themselves, I thought it would be neat to have a tea party for Kali and her friends this month. I've had the idea for 2 years, even bought the invitations for it back then...just haven't ever gotten around to doing it, and it's the perfect time. I'm trying to spend as little as possible so she and I can make a lot of the decorations, and involve her. She is super creative and loves crafts. I bought 12 antique tea cups and saucers last week from one of my favorite antique stores in the area, they're beautiful! Now Kali has her own collection when the party is over. I'll be making her outfit and hair accessory...I'll post pics as things come along. Hopefully I won't be myself and procrastinate. Off to get some things started!

Teen Mom

Yesterday I watched some of the girls from MTV's hit show Teen Mom on the Dr. Oz show. They were discussing the controversy that the program has caused, and there is quite a debate out there. I have a few opinions on how this show is perceived since I myself was a teen mom. No, I was not 16, but 18 is just as young and inexperienced. There was one woman in the audience who is head of a children's organization that struck a nerve with me. She was one of those people who, even in 2011, would rather not have her children exposed to "teen moms". As if we are lepers, and should still be sent away to birthing homes and never speak of our children in public. Good Lord, people! Wake up! I would like everyone to know that ANY teenage girl can get pregnant if she has sex. It doesn't matter how many times her mama brought up the birds and the bees, or if she's "taking" birth control, or if she sleeps with someone once, or 20 times. It doesn't matter. It can happen. I never in a million years thought that would be me. I made good grades, was in AP (college credit) courses in high school, had a steady boyfriend of a year, and had started applying to colleges. I was on birth control. Later we found that most birth controls don't work on me...go figure. When God wants to create life, He does it.

Chandler's first day home, 4 days old

Another thing that strikes me is how the babies are called "consequences". Since when is a child a consequence? I would hate to think that my mother or father have ever thought of me that way, whether they planned me or not, GOD planned me. Same goes for my son. My child is not a consequence, he is a creation of life and deserves to be here as much as a child born to a 30 year old married couple. I think that is where our society has it all wrong. Why do we tell our teenagers not to have sex because they will get pregnant? There are far more important reasons to wait until you're married....one being the fact that it's what God wants you to do. Premarital sex is not right, whether you get pregnant or not. Giving that piece of yourself away to someone you most likely will not end up marrying, and having that piece forever gone....that is the consequence. You should save your entire self for your spouse, so you don't bring baggage into your relationship. That is God's plan, for everyone to wait until they're married so they can share that experience with the person they are "yoked" to for the rest of this life. Being teen parents, our sex talks with our kids, especially Chandler will be a lot different than the talks we had from our parents. I would never say to him, "Don't have sex as a teenager because you might end up getting a girl pregnant and it will ruin your life. It will ruin MY dreams I have for you". That would be like telling him I regret him, or wish he wasn't born. In reality, he is one of my biggest blessings. He saved me from myself. And as two crazy 20 year olds, trying to have another child, we must have looked insane...we were laughing about that last night, what we would say if any of children did what we decided to do. But, God sees what we can't. I fully believe that He gave me the desire to have my daughter and second son at a young age because He knew my future. He knew that my ability to have children naturally would be cut short. So, everything worked out for the best.

Chandler, 5 days old

“See that you do not despise one of these little ones. For I tell you that in heaven their angels always see the face of my Father who is in heaven." Matthew 18:10 ESV

I think if we as a nation stop judging these teen parents and instead keep giving them a voice, giving them chances, letting them learn to be parents, just as any one else has the chance to do without being judged, then this wouldn't be viewed as an "epidimic". Talk to your kids about God's reasons for not having sex outside of a marriage, instead of our own ideas.

It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God; (TNIV, 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5)

Chandler with Daddy, 2 months old

It has not been easy. There have been a lot of hard feelings to face -- shame, anger, hurt, bitterness, disappointment, betrayal, judgement, sacrifice, control. Even still, I wouldn't change a thing. I look back on how young we were and wonder how they let us take a baby home! haha. My mom stayed with us for the first week, and the day she left I remember having anxiety and asking her how I was going to do it, if she thought I could. And I did. And I did it well. We got our routine down, and oh how I loved that baby! I loved him just as much as an older mother loves her child, I taught him just like an older parent would teach their child, I poured my heart and soul into him, he was my world. I wanted to be the best mother I could. I insanely worried over his future, what he would one day think of my teenage parenting. But the truth is that my son doesn't know any different. He doesn't know that we were much younger than his friends' parents. He knows that we were and still are dedicated to him, and love him, and want the best that God has in store for him. The only thing different is that his friends ask me if I'm really his mom, or a nurse at the doctor's office says "Oh, you must be the older sister". We're pretty used to that, and hey, we'll be young grandparents, enjoying our grandchildren just like we are enjoying our babies now. 

"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6