Two-Faced

I have a problem. I hate routine. I have a child who thrives on it, who one day dreams of joining the Army. He reminds me so much of my Daddy; type A personality. Clear boundaries, cause and effect, consequences, and affirmation make them tick. They hate change, spontaneity causes anxiety, and they love to know what's coming next. God made me just the opposite. I enjoy jumping in the car and just driving, not necessarily to anywhere, but just to see. Feel...feel change, a break from the mundane. When I first became a mom, I immediately put Chandler on a schedule. It has pretty much stayed the same over the last 8 years. If we should ever sway, complete mayhem breaks loose, forcing me to break out the beloved "Family Schedule". His face relaxes, he wants to read it, follow it, live by it. In some ways it makes me content also, and gives me a sense of control when most of the time I am anything but :). Having a play-by-play of our days ensures me that my children will be hopefully be more organized than me, rested, well adjusted, calmer. Yesterday as we drove home from our parent-teacher conference, we had the windows down in "Ellie" our old suburban, blaring Texas Country music, feeling the wind blow our hair, soaking up the rays. I daydreamed of throwing the schedule away for the rest of the day, sit by the river and ignore the world. I longed to just have fun with the kids, but alas, things like homework, dinner, and baths must be a priority...at least on a Wednesday.

 Chandler and I made blackberry cobbler last week. Actually, he made it, all I did was supervise. That boy loves to cook!

I notice this trend often with me. Somewhere inside of me lives a clean-freak, who thoroughly enjoys scrubbing the shower, or dusting until the wood shines. Neat piles of lovely smelling laundry awaiting their home in a drawer gives me a feeling of accomplishment and a "Hey, I dig this whole housewife thang!". This will continue for a couple of weeks, until my alter ego rears her ugly head. She lives for making memories, for hoping the cleaning fairies show up for once. She ignores the fact that she's a housewife and loves to just be Lindsey. She lives for the moment, free from obligations. It's not easy balancing these two personalities. I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way. Raising well balanced children requires a lot of hard work, investing of time, and I think that both these women attribute to helping my kids find out who they are, allowing them to be a little bit of both worlds. At least it feels better to think that way ha!

Gunnar seems to be doing better, now if we could just keep him home instead of going down the street to play with his doggie friends!

Have a great Thursday!
Lindsey

Things happen in 3's

It's been crazy around here, I hate when everything heaps up at once and I fall waaay behind on housework and other things. I have to keep telling myself I'm not failing as a housewife, because it's out of my hands! Chandler was hospitalized again last week. The time before this was in September, but luckily this time the asthma attack ended up not being so bad. He had a virus (common cold) and then he and I both got a very evil stomach bug the last morning of the hospital stay. Glad to be home, I have lots to do...packing to move, two other kids with the same virus, getting stuff together to go to (DISNEY WORLD!!!!) for Spring Break, etc. Last weekend we noticed a very bad cut on the back of one of Gunnar's legs. We could see bone, and we weren't sure how it happened. It seems to be closing up, but that's been worrying me too. Last night after her bath Kali Mae started grabbing her ear and crying, screaming "My ear huuuuuurts!!!" for over ten minutes. I gave her Tylenol and told her I would call the doctor in the morning. She got out of bed 30 minutes later saying she couldn't stop moving around and go to sleep because of the pain. While she was laying with me in the living room she got quiet and then told me something had just popped in her ear. When I asked her what it sounded and felt like, she described a big balloon pop. I checked it for anything coming out, as usually happens with ruptured eardrums, but nothing. But after the "pop" she fell right to sleep. Hopefully the doctor tells us good news this afternoon, we all need to get better around here! Life goes on! Have a great Tuesday :)

--Lindsey

Journey

Last year this time we decided to move to Corpus Christi. It seemed a great fit for Josh's job, work was good here. Over the past year, that has proven to not be the case. Things have been slowing down and for our family, that's just not working. Josh was recently offered  a higher position in Houston, and we jumped on it! So...now we are packing our things for the second time in a year and planning our move back home to Houston. I have some mixed emotions about it all. This has been a wonderful opportunity, we have met some great people, had a strange but lovely experience living in a quaint little home on the river, and the kids got to go to one of the best schools. Houston holds my heart though. It's where all of my children were born, where Josh and I spent all of our first 26 years, and where I honestly long to be. I am so grateful to God that we have been given this chance to grow together, grow in Him, and I will never forget our adventures in this small town. In Houston we own two homes; the one that we lived in and raised the kids in for the last 6 years, and one that we invested in and kept for a rental property. The rental is where we'll be moving into this summer. God has opened that door for us in a crazy way, but I can't talk about the details until it's said and done. It's a lateral move financially from here, so we will have the chance to save for a couple of years, and eventually buy the home we want to stay in for good. I'm excited to live closer to cousins and other family that I used to live across town from. God loves to make sure I don't get bored, it seems :). That's fine with me, I'm not one for routine, I thrive on change and spontaneity.

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?" Isaiah 43:18-19

My baby fever has been kicking into full gear, but we have to wait for at least a year before we seriously decide to take the plunge into adoption options. I came across this amazing organization called Project Cuddle, and wanted to share. They help find homes for babies who would otherwise be abandoned, or worse. They also find ways for troubled birth mothers to keep their babies and thrive in motherhood. It's pretty inspiring. Check it out. 

Happy Hump Day!

--Lindsey

Life in the deep end

Wow, it's been a really long time since I've even logged into my blog. My life in recent weeks and months has been turned upside down and shaken. I have been doing a lot of soul searching, praying, reading, questioning....with not a lot of answers. The matters that are affecting my family are very personal, and nothing I would ever expose here, but I need to get how I am feeling off my chest. I feel so lost, just wandering through life. I have realized I have not been living life, but just existing. I have detatched myself somewhere along the way, so I don't feel pain, or rather, anything. I can say that my family makes me truly happy, but there's always the trials we are facing in the back of my mind, waiting for a moment where I stop and look around to distract me and get the negative thoughts spinning. There are moments when I feel like this is all a bad dream, and that I just know when I open my eyes it will be over. I will awake from this nightmare, from the fear, anxiety, the unknown. But it's not. This is real life. As real as it gets. At times I feel helpless, like we can't see the light, because I don't even know where the end of the tunnel is. I have never held onto God and my children this much before, and that is what keeps me going. I have to be strong for them, and if anything, I know God and speak to him more now than ever. I prayed in the past for more understanding of His will for my life, for a closer relationship with Him, for stronger faith, more patience. I assume through climbing this mountain, that I am receiving all of those things from Him. Funny how life works. Recently while reading Job, I had many revelations. I feel much the same as Job did. Which makes me feel worse at times. I am really trying to not ask "why me?" God obviously knows my husband and I are strong enough to get through these times. I sometimes underestimate myself, but it's hard to think of yourself as a strong person. I just need to let go and fully surrender the situation to God...although I have prayed and wholeheartedly tried to do that, it's hard as a human to not have fear, especially fear of man. Hopefully the busy day laying ahead of me will lift my spirits....on to my son's school to help get things ready for his "Family Fun Night". Have a great Thursday everyone!

Psalm 27:1  The LORD is my light and my salvation -- whome shall I fear?

Joshua 1:9  Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.