Low Blow.

This is very difficult to write. I hate feeling sorry for myself. But today, I feel the need to ask for prayer. For understanding, and support. For the last month I have been having pain, extreme emotional swings, and breakouts. Josh and I knew something was wrong, and that I needed to get an ultrasound. I was scheduled for one at 9:30 a.m. this morning. The results took me by surprise. I have three hemorrhagic cysts on my remaining ovary and have to take birth control to try to shrink them. I have never had three of this kind before. It is terrifying to me. These type of cysts are the reason I no longer have my left ovary, and had to have surgery last year. For more on that story, go here. I feel so alone. Yes, I have my wonderful husband and parents to talk to, but as far as friends...I am at a loss. I have no one else my age to express this anguish to. I know I have been blessed with three beautiful babies, but it is extremely gut-wrenching to have future biological children taken from you at such a young age. I don't wish I was pregnant right now, but if Josh or I should want that in the future, it just couldn't be. It breaks my heart. I know it is in God's plan, and like I said before, I do not like feeling sorry for myself, I am scared. I am scared for my kids and husband. They should not have to be put through me getting regulated on hormones before the normal age, or maybe having another surgery. I keep thinking about little helpless babies with cancer, or women who have never been able to carry or deliver a baby. I feel silly for even thinking that what I've gone through is hard. BUT it is. My chances of having ovarian cancer are much greater than the average person. I will most likely have to be put on hormones earlier than average, and I am missing two-thirds of my female organs before the age of 25. THANKfully, what I'm experiencing is not life-threatening, but I would like to ask for prayer for myself and my family. Have a great Thanksgiving!

-Lindsey

Thank You For Not Smoking

Sunday night I decided to quit smoking. I have quit with all three pregnancies, and it was pretty easy because I was doing it for my baby. So this time, I realized I still am doing it for them. I want to be around for a very long time. It is like a bad breakup. Like that relationship you have that you know isn't the best for you. The person you know you don't want to spend the rest of your life with...but you don't know how to end it. So you wait around for years until you've had enough, you can't make excuses anymore. The negatives finally outweigh any positives, which, are really delusions anyway. I will admit, the first day was scary. I felt like a toddler wanting candy and having to tell myself "NO!" a hundred times over. I was extremely emotional, and cried off and on all day. I felt like I was losing it at one point. But I had a glass of wine, watched my fave show DWTS, and realized I was okay. And that I CAN do this! Yesterday was much better, since I had ten loads of laundry to distract me and keep me busy. And by this morning, the cravings are almost gone. I come from a long line of smokers. I want to break the chain, and would feel so guilty if I continued on smoking. Chandler has asthma, and I would only smoke outside, but even just the smell can make an attack worse. He learned a couple of years ago just how bad smoking is for your health, and turned into a walking *truth ad. It took me a long time to get here. I knew I would one day, and I'm so happy I've made it! Please pray that it continues to get easier for me! Have a great Wednesday!

Tick Tock...

I feel like screaming. This whole adoption "process" can hardly be called that lately. We finished our classes in early March. Why hasn't our homestudy even begun???? Why are those kids STILL in foster care when they should be here by now?? I am done sitting idly by, we are taking this into our own hands and going straight to the organization that handles them, in their city. We really need prayers right now, I am an emotional wreck this weekend, and cannot wait until tomorrow morning to make the phone call. Please pray for our family and those children. It's going to be a long night, I'm thinking of doing some Christmas decorating to get my mind off of everything.

Slacker

Now that it's been almost a month since the Halloween party I threw for the kids, I guess I can finally get around to posting it here. :) We're pretty big on Halloween around here, and the kids were totally excited to do this, I had been throwing the idea around for a couple years.

It was a lot of fun, I wish I had had more time to go more "all out", but two birthday parties in September wore me out!

Doe, a deer, a female deer

I remember finding out that Josh was a hunter. I made him watch Bambi and had an hour long conversation about why I felt it was wrong. He ended up "winning" the conversation, and I decided to go with him one year to see what it was about. Needless to say, my mind was forever changed and hunting is now something I look forward to doing every year.

I would say 95% of the meat we eat is venison. It definitely took me a couple of years to get used to. It doesn't come as nicely packaged as chicken breasts or nice bacon wrapped filets. Aside from that, the smell and taste is very different than what I grew up eating. I had no idea how to cook it, and it's very hard to find recipes that my whole family will eat. Most venison recipes are a lot of the same, and I prefer a lot of different meals. So, I use venison in a lot of recipes that call for beef, I just season the meat first. No one knows it's not beef until I tell them. So, I figured that since I found it hard to find a good variety of recipes, I would post recipes that our family loves. And trust me, I cook for some of the pickiest eaters around. Tonight I made a new one and even my daughter ate all of it.

Pan Sausage with Bowtie Pasta in Vodka Sauce

ingredients:

1 lb. venison pan sausage (2 lbs. work too if that's how you process it)
Worcestershire Sauce
Garlic salt
Italian Blend seasoning
1 pkg. Bowtie pasta
1 jar Vodka Sauce (I used Emeril's)
1 diced tomato

1. Brown sausage in Worcestershire sauce, garlic salt, and Italian seasoning. Drain.
2. Add Vodka sauce and diced tomato to sausage.
3. Cook pasta following directions on package. Add to sauce and stir until blended.

You could also add shrimp, onions, etc. Venison pan sausage tastes similar to Italian Sausage in this dish...so yummy! I always use Worcestershire Sauce on venison, it gives it more flavor and keeps it from drying out.

Thankful

I already have so much to be thankful for this month. My grandmother was hospitalized for a week at the end of October, and got to come home around Halloween. I am so blessed to still have her and my PaPa, and I love watching my children make memories with them.

After their wedding 59 years ago

Nana with her granddaughters and great-granddaughter

PaPa at Kali's Mario Kart party :)

Nana and Trent last Christmas

Trent's first time playing piano with Nana

I am also thankful that our dog Brooklyn is getting better. She has been sick with an infection that caused her to stop eating and drinking. Josh was having to force-feed her every day. She just started eating on her own today.

Brookie smiling :)

Every night we say the blessing before dinner and then go around the table saying what we're thankful for. The kids love doing this and I've noticed it's helped them be more positive about their day and life in general. I pray that they can keep a grateful spirit in a society that is so focused on more, more, more. Since it's getting close to Thanksgiving I'm going to do a little something with our "thankful fors" every day...pictures to come! What are you thankful for? GOD is good!