Low Blow.

This is very difficult to write. I hate feeling sorry for myself. But today, I feel the need to ask for prayer. For understanding, and support. For the last month I have been having pain, extreme emotional swings, and breakouts. Josh and I knew something was wrong, and that I needed to get an ultrasound. I was scheduled for one at 9:30 a.m. this morning. The results took me by surprise. I have three hemorrhagic cysts on my remaining ovary and have to take birth control to try to shrink them. I have never had three of this kind before. It is terrifying to me. These type of cysts are the reason I no longer have my left ovary, and had to have surgery last year. For more on that story, go here. I feel so alone. Yes, I have my wonderful husband and parents to talk to, but as far as friends...I am at a loss. I have no one else my age to express this anguish to. I know I have been blessed with three beautiful babies, but it is extremely gut-wrenching to have future biological children taken from you at such a young age. I don't wish I was pregnant right now, but if Josh or I should want that in the future, it just couldn't be. It breaks my heart. I know it is in God's plan, and like I said before, I do not like feeling sorry for myself, I am scared. I am scared for my kids and husband. They should not have to be put through me getting regulated on hormones before the normal age, or maybe having another surgery. I keep thinking about little helpless babies with cancer, or women who have never been able to carry or deliver a baby. I feel silly for even thinking that what I've gone through is hard. BUT it is. My chances of having ovarian cancer are much greater than the average person. I will most likely have to be put on hormones earlier than average, and I am missing two-thirds of my female organs before the age of 25. THANKfully, what I'm experiencing is not life-threatening, but I would like to ask for prayer for myself and my family. Have a great Thanksgiving!

-Lindsey