Teen Mom

Yesterday I watched some of the girls from MTV's hit show Teen Mom on the Dr. Oz show. They were discussing the controversy that the program has caused, and there is quite a debate out there. I have a few opinions on how this show is perceived since I myself was a teen mom. No, I was not 16, but 18 is just as young and inexperienced. There was one woman in the audience who is head of a children's organization that struck a nerve with me. She was one of those people who, even in 2011, would rather not have her children exposed to "teen moms". As if we are lepers, and should still be sent away to birthing homes and never speak of our children in public. Good Lord, people! Wake up! I would like everyone to know that ANY teenage girl can get pregnant if she has sex. It doesn't matter how many times her mama brought up the birds and the bees, or if she's "taking" birth control, or if she sleeps with someone once, or 20 times. It doesn't matter. It can happen. I never in a million years thought that would be me. I made good grades, was in AP (college credit) courses in high school, had a steady boyfriend of a year, and had started applying to colleges. I was on birth control. Later we found that most birth controls don't work on me...go figure. When God wants to create life, He does it.

Chandler's first day home, 4 days old

Another thing that strikes me is how the babies are called "consequences". Since when is a child a consequence? I would hate to think that my mother or father have ever thought of me that way, whether they planned me or not, GOD planned me. Same goes for my son. My child is not a consequence, he is a creation of life and deserves to be here as much as a child born to a 30 year old married couple. I think that is where our society has it all wrong. Why do we tell our teenagers not to have sex because they will get pregnant? There are far more important reasons to wait until you're married....one being the fact that it's what God wants you to do. Premarital sex is not right, whether you get pregnant or not. Giving that piece of yourself away to someone you most likely will not end up marrying, and having that piece forever gone....that is the consequence. You should save your entire self for your spouse, so you don't bring baggage into your relationship. That is God's plan, for everyone to wait until they're married so they can share that experience with the person they are "yoked" to for the rest of this life. Being teen parents, our sex talks with our kids, especially Chandler will be a lot different than the talks we had from our parents. I would never say to him, "Don't have sex as a teenager because you might end up getting a girl pregnant and it will ruin your life. It will ruin MY dreams I have for you". That would be like telling him I regret him, or wish he wasn't born. In reality, he is one of my biggest blessings. He saved me from myself. And as two crazy 20 year olds, trying to have another child, we must have looked insane...we were laughing about that last night, what we would say if any of children did what we decided to do. But, God sees what we can't. I fully believe that He gave me the desire to have my daughter and second son at a young age because He knew my future. He knew that my ability to have children naturally would be cut short. So, everything worked out for the best.

Chandler, 5 days old

“See that you do not despise one of these little ones. For I tell you that in heaven their angels always see the face of my Father who is in heaven." Matthew 18:10 ESV

I think if we as a nation stop judging these teen parents and instead keep giving them a voice, giving them chances, letting them learn to be parents, just as any one else has the chance to do without being judged, then this wouldn't be viewed as an "epidimic". Talk to your kids about God's reasons for not having sex outside of a marriage, instead of our own ideas.

It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God; (TNIV, 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5)

Chandler with Daddy, 2 months old

It has not been easy. There have been a lot of hard feelings to face -- shame, anger, hurt, bitterness, disappointment, betrayal, judgement, sacrifice, control. Even still, I wouldn't change a thing. I look back on how young we were and wonder how they let us take a baby home! haha. My mom stayed with us for the first week, and the day she left I remember having anxiety and asking her how I was going to do it, if she thought I could. And I did. And I did it well. We got our routine down, and oh how I loved that baby! I loved him just as much as an older mother loves her child, I taught him just like an older parent would teach their child, I poured my heart and soul into him, he was my world. I wanted to be the best mother I could. I insanely worried over his future, what he would one day think of my teenage parenting. But the truth is that my son doesn't know any different. He doesn't know that we were much younger than his friends' parents. He knows that we were and still are dedicated to him, and love him, and want the best that God has in store for him. The only thing different is that his friends ask me if I'm really his mom, or a nurse at the doctor's office says "Oh, you must be the older sister". We're pretty used to that, and hey, we'll be young grandparents, enjoying our grandchildren just like we are enjoying our babies now. 

"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6